


Outside the Past

by Himiiki



Series: Silent Whispers [1]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Blood, Blood and Injury, Canon Compliant, Cloud Strife Needs a Hug, Cloud Strife Whump, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Headcanon, Hurt Cloud Strife, Hurt/Comfort, I am following the events but altering them a bit, Injury, Past Abuse, Puppet Cloud Strife, Sickfic, Whump, Zack Fair & Cloud Strife Friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28722777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Himiiki/pseuds/Himiiki
Summary: If he was ever supposed to be the protagonist of his own story, the main genre would surely be tragedy.
Relationships: Cloud Strife & Barret Wallace, Cloud Strife & Everyone, Tifa Lockhart & Cloud Strife, Zack Fair & Cloud Strife
Series: Silent Whispers [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2105643
Comments: 12
Kudos: 52





	Outside the Past

**Author's Note:**

> A very angsty and whumpy fic, I do hope you will all enjoy it!  
> Now this story does not have any romance in it, because both I simply cannot write it and because I want to focus more on the bromance side of it.  
> And for each chapter I will add warnings in case if they are needed.

**[Prologue] πρόλογος**

* * *

There were once speculations from little kids at Nibelheim that Claudia Strife had killed her husband- _it was an absolute lie because his mom was too kind and she would never do anything like that_ \- others said her husband left her because he didn’t want a son, because he didn’t want _Cloud_ as his son- _was that the truth? His mother told him his father would’ve loved him if only he was there...but was he that much of a failure that not even his own father wanted to be near to even meet him?_ \- while others simply said he had died, much like his own mother used to tell him, but when the little kids said it, they always managed to make it seem like it was Cloud’s own fault, somewhere going in between the lines of ‘ _Your dad must have killed himself when he realized you are such a crybaby_.’

His mother used to tell him to not worry about it, to just ignore when the other kids made comments like those, that nothing was ever his fault. But how could he? How could he believe that it wasn't his fault when it clearly was? When he could see it with his own eyes how he was a failure of a son.

All he ever served was to bring headaches to his mom; for other parents to tell his mom that she needed to do better at parenting when all he did was try to play with the other kids. 

_Why wasn't he allowed to play with them?_

_Why didn't they like him?_

_He had never done anything to them so why?_

He wasn’t perfect.

He was far from it.

And he deemed himself a failure when his mom found out he started playing alone, because if the other kids wouldn’t play with him then he might as well play by himself.

“Cloud, what were you doing out until this hour?” His mother's voice wasn’t loud, she never shouted at him, but he could hear the disappointment in the way she spoke. 

He’d gotten too carried away, he forgot about the time-

“I- I was playing.” His voice stuttered a bit, refusing to look up at his mother as she cupped his face with her hands and brushed his long bangs aside.

“With who? Because everyone’s parents told me their kids were already home.” Her eyes travelled his face, searching for anything, any hints to what he was doing.

“I-...I was in the- I was playing.” He felt little, he felt scared, was she going to leave now? Was she going to leave him all alone?

“Cloud sweetie look at me,” And his eyes traveled up to meet his mother’s, “Who were you playing with?” 

“A-Alone.” And by that tears were already beginning to form on his eyes as he felt like he could hear the little chime the kids always chanted at him ‘Little Cloud always a loud cry baby chocobo.’

“Cloud-“

“I wanted to.” He blurted out, and knowing his mother would want more he continued, “I- and- everyone is just immature and I was just looking at the stars and, I was playing hide and...just that.” His mom eyed him, worry was clearly evident on her features.

“Go wash your hands then, dinner is already getting cold. We will talk about this later okay?” And Cloud was already off to the kitchen.

In the end, his mother never really got to talk with him.

* * *

**εγλ 0001**

Life in the Shinra military felt like it promised many things, many in which didn't exactly happen. He was too naive, enlisting himself a year before he could but Shinra paid no attention to that, they wanted more people, the more the merrier, and for them he was truly just another one, just another infantryman.

He swore he saw the higher ups laugh when he said he wanted to make it to SOLDIER, and they ignored him, he should've known, he should've realized he was too small, too weak to become a SOLDIER, let alone become like Sephiroth.

“He would probably die with at least one mako shot.” He’d heard one of them say before a higher up dismissed him.

But he told himself that he could do it, that with time he would grow thinking back to his mother’s words that he was still a growing boy, that he could still become like Sephiroth-the hero that everyone _including him_ adored- and he kept those little lies to himself, believing in them, or that was until the other infantryman started picking on him.

They started slow, at first with a little poke here and there that startled him more than anything else. And then the verbal insults started, low and they weren’t so frequent at first.

They first started teasing his hair, saying how he looked like a little chocobo. Saying how he looked like a little girl. 

And then they started combining the poking and calling out his hair when he just wanted to be alone at the barracks.

And even if he told himself he wasn’t going to cry, a few tears ended up slipping and the teasing only grew.

“Strife is a little crybaby chocobo, and look it fits! Look at his hair.” One of them called out, Folio was his name if Cloud remembered correctly.

And that was when the blonde proclaimed to himself.

_He hated his hair._

He absolutely despised his hair. It was one of the reasons he was always being picked on, either being from the little kids from his hometown, or the other infantryman, they always had to say the same thing about his hair.

“Aw it makes you look like a little chocobo.”

“Chocobo Strife!”

“Hey Strife, say Khew for us!”

And it made him feel sick.

He tried to put the spikes down, but for some unholy reason they defied gravity and stayed up, no matter what he tried to do they always stayed...spiky. It resulted in him pulling his hair several times and just cursing at himself. Perhaps he was truly just a fuck up that even managed to fuck up it’s own hair.

However he wouldn’t cut the spikes, he couldn’t bring himself to, not when his mother told him how much she loved his hair, how she thought it looked so beautiful, how she said it would remind her of his father...the father that was never there. Maybe if his hair didn't look like his father’s, then maybe he wouldn't be picked on, then maybe he would’ve never have left him out, maybe he wouldn't be the center of attention for jokes, then he would’ve been able to have friends.

Friends.

The world felt foreign to his own tongue, he didn’t have friends, Cloud Strife wasn't made for friends. 

Back at his hometown Tifa was the only one who was slightly nice to him and that was pretty much it, but even then she wasn’t a friend, she was anything but a friend. And when her mother died- when Tifa fell and her father blamed him- he barely spoke to her. But wasn’t mean to him, but at the same time she never truly tried to approach him, she never joined him when he was trying to play hide and seek alone, and only to realize that he couldn’t play it by himself. But still she never said he was a crybaby, she never called him a crying chocobo. 

So he told her, a part of him wanting to impress her, telling her that he was going to join SOLDIER and become like Sephiroth. And needless to say, it felt nice when she made him promise to be there for her whenever she would be in danger, it felt nice when it wasn't only his mom cheering him to follow his dream.

But still she wasn't a friend, because Cloud wasn’t made for friends. 

Or so he thought until Second Class SOLDIER Zack Fair approached him some time after the failed mission they had together, and Zack showed up almost like if he was a knight in shining armor, ready to save Cloud from the insults.

* * *

“I heard he tried to take the SOLDIER exam again and they didn’t even let him try before rejecting him.” Laughs ensued from the little group of infantryman as Cloud passed, he tried to ignore them as he reached the cafeteria, his body burning from the workout he had, so all he needed to do is walk a few more steps-

“Still didn't go back to your momma Strife?” A large body was suddenly in front of Cloud, but the blonde refused to look up, he knew exactly who the voice belonged to, and if he looked up, he was afraid of what the outcome would be. “Thought a little _bitch_ like you couldn't handle another week, but I guess everyone makes some mistakes don’t they?” Nossec stepped closer as Cloud took a step back-

He felt panic rise within him, he needed to leave, leave and hide, he needed to get away from Nossec, whenever the bigger man picked on him, Cloud could always know something was going to happen. A week before he gave Cloud a black eye, the other it was a few bruised ribs, the lady that worked at the infirmary never believed Cloud’s claims that he had simply been clumsy enough to just slip on the showerstalls, and neither did his superior but none dared to question more as the blonde never said anything else.

_“You have no idea of what I can do if you ever do anything as much as tell them about what happened. Because what happens here in the barracks stays in the barracks.”_ Noussec warned once. _“And do you really think Shinra will care for what happens to you? You’re just another ant for their little game, and if you annoy them enough they will just execute you with the excuse that you went MIA_.”

The younger didnt know what to do, and the older was stepping closer and closer and- 

“Strife right?” An unknown yet very familiar voice called and Cloud turned around instantly as he met Zack’s greenish blue mako’s eyes, but before the other could say anything Zack looked at the older infantryman. “You are blocking the way so if you please.”

And before Cloud could even see Noussec had left from his spot in front of Cloud and was already walking the opposite way from them.

“Man you are one little hard guy to find.” The black haired boy finally said as he threw an arm at the younger’s shoulder and Cloud swore he was about to just start sobbing and thanking him, but he held his tears as best as he could and simply let out a sobbing filled giggle. “Wait- are you crying?!” Zack got close to his face and Cloud had to almost sprint a bit to not let the other see his tear rimmed eyes. But for some holy reason, the SOLDIER actually didn't try to get anything out of him, and simply walked alongside him to the cafeteria.

“Ah I love the smell of fresh food.” Zack announced as they entered through the double doors of the cafeteria and the blonde snorted.

“Food isn't even fresh.” Cloud spoke as both went to pick on a tray.

“But still, food is food, and it's already cooked so it saves me the time to actually cook it.” The dark haired looked like a famished puppy, getting from each and everything he had a right to get, and the blonde stared at him with amazed eyes.

And even in the chaos filled cafeteria, they managed to find a table for both to sit in that didn't have enough people in it.

“Man, I love having an apartment by myself with a kitchen and all, but did Shinra really think that SOLDIERS actually can cook?” Zack Exclaimed as he ate his food, and a smile danced at Cloud’s lips. “Frozen or not, this meatloaf tastes better than my rice.”

“Don’t know how that comparison actually works but okay.” The blonde smirked as he ate his share of food. 

“Hey!” The second class SOLDIER pointed his fork at him. “My rice becomes burnt the moment that I do so much as turn the stove on.” And he proceeded to take a piece of his meatloaf. “And this is very much not burnt.”

“I guess SOLDIERS need to have cooking classes then.” The younger said as a small laugh escaped from his lips.

“And that’s exactly what I told my superiors!” Zack had ‘oh thank the gods someone else thinks like me’ kind of look. “I just don’t think they thought that I was actually being serious about it, which it’s a complete shame because if a fire starts out, they can’t go blaming on me.”

And for the first time since Cloud had been at Shinra, he actually managed to enjoy a somewhat peaceful lunch where he didn’t have to eat as fast as he could just so he could leave the whispers from the others.

“But why is he speaking with _him_.” Upon hearing them Cloud felt himself shrink into his seat. “Why the fuck is a soldier sitting with Strife.” 

“Does everyone give you a hard time?” The question was genuine, but something deep within the younger's head told him it was not.

“No.” He answered almost too quickly.

“This is why infantry is the worst, all of them are so annoying.” Annoyance spread in the dark haired boy’s features as he spoke. “You never thought of serving Shinra with the Turks

Cloud bit his lip before speaking. “They told me to try to join the Turks when I first enlisted, but I hoped to make it into SOLDIER.” His blue eyes shined a lost hope, he knew he wasn’t good enough to make it.

“Well but you can still do it, they have SOLDIER exams every year- wait how old are you?” Zack had a newfound interest in Cloud and somehow that made the younger feel scared.

“I’m fifteen.” 

“Oh so it’s still your first ye-”

“Second.” Cloud corrected before he shut his lips. _ He’d spoken out of turn _ . His mind told him.

_ Oh Shiva he spoke out of turn to a SOLDIER and not even a third class soldier but a second class soldier- oh no, oh no- _

“Son of a-” The blonde’s blood ran cold and he felt as if all the color had been drained from his face. “You enlisted before you could but you still managed to get in- holy- that’s impressive.” And the moment Zack smiled, the younger felt lightheaded, so he wasn’t going to get scolded? So Zack thought it was impressive that he managed to enter at Shinra when he was fourteen?

“A- I-...” Cloud felt dumbfounded, what the heck was he actually supposed to say? He never had a long conversation with anyone other than his mom, so everything felt so new to him, so-

“So are you going to try this year?” The older asked upon noticing the younger’s confused stare.

“Try?” Oh no he must think he is dumb now- that he is as dumb as a choco-

“For SOLDIER I mean, sorry we did kinda lose track of that.” So he didn’t think Cloud was dumb...that was surprisingly a first.

“Yeah, I tried on the most recent one but I guess they don’t really want a short and scrawny teen.” He fumbled withh his hands and he felt like the whole cafeteria noise had been long forgotten

“They honestly are always like that, it took me two years to actually enter SOLDIER because I was even shorter than you, but once puberty hits you’ll see they’ll want you in a second, even the girls man, I tell you the moment I grew taller I got a girlfriend, impressive how these hormones work.”Zack let out a chuckle before smirking as he pointed at Cloud. “And I mean I did hear that you have some nice sword skills, some turks were talking about it from when you had to escort Rayleigh, I think that’s the name.” He looked directly at Cloud. “Trust me when I say this but I do highly believe that some higher ups are already looking into you.” 

_ False hopes. _ His mind screamed at him that it was all but a false hope, but somehow, he liked it, he actually liked that at least someone was nice to him, it felt that someone cared.

Zack opened his mouth to say something else but the buzzing of his cellphone made him stop, he took a quick look at it before sighing. “Well seems like I have to go, unfortunately, but well I really did enjoy your company.” He proceeded to get up and Cloud followed suit. “Hey but if these buttheads annoy you too much, I am good friends with one of the Third classes that are in charge of-”

“Oh no it’s fine.” The blonde looked down almost too quickly as he spoke. 

Zack took a long look at his face before sighing. “Well the offer will still exist just to let you know.” 

Both walked through the door when Zack finally gave Cloud a light slap on the shoulder. “Well see you later Cloud.” 

“Ah- y-yes sec-” 

“Just say Zack it’s fine.”

“Yes- okay- bye...Zack.” And with that he was gone. 

It was the first time someone had called him Cloud in the military and something stirred inside of him. It was the first time he had called someone by their first name in the military, and as wrong as it felt to his own lips, it made him feel happy.

_ Don’t trust others Cloud. _

_ Don’t trust others if you don’t want to get hurt in the process. _

_ Because in the end no one truly likes you.  _

_ Because you can never have nice things. _

**TBC**

**Author's Note:**

> I am thankful for everyone who reads my story, and I would love to know what you thought!  
> English is not my first language so I must apologize to any mistakes.


End file.
